"STEALING" A KISS

I'm D, the anti-hero. The girl who i have loved with my dear life for the past 21 months is you. Now, let me get into Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity" mode and tell you about all the crushes and affairs I've had so far.


The first gal i fell for can be called ' A'. She was my age i.e. 4 at the time when i literally got the hots for her. I still didn't know that dicks were supposed to go up, pants were supposed to go down, undies were meant to be torn off, breasts were supposed to be fondled and sucked. I think you get a fair idea of what an ignoramus i was. The only thing I knew about "making love" was that you were supposed to kiss your loved one preferably on the nape of the neck I grew up watching Hindi movies in a time when the great Raj Kapur was bedridden. My "sexperiences" were to suffer a great deal due to his illness.

Now, A had a sister whom we'll call 'G'. These girls were good pals of my sister and I. We used to do all the idiotic things that seem such fun one is years old.

My parents are doctors. Back then we used to live in doctor's quarters which were separated from the hospital where they worked by this strip of land which was heavily forested on the right side and abutted by a small park and the parking lot of the hospital. It was the forest and watching a silly( but sexy) movie which lead me to my first sensual contact with a girl.

I was watching some really corny bullshit on television , a so-called horror movie where this asshole of an actor goes to the village which is afflicted by the presence of a specter, a ghostly spirit. He takes advantage of the situation by romping in a village belle ( epitome of the proverbial "thunder thigh") and takes her out to the forest, promising the villagers that the act of smooching the babe will cure them of all worries.

They i.e the bitch and the bastard land up in the forest where the inevitable happens. There is the noise of the shrieking beast like chalk being dragged slowly on a black board. The belle, dumb as she is ( I don't think she is acting. She really looks imbecile, a horny one at that), jumps in the arms of the dude and then as soon as the growls cease, their lips meet. There is hardly any day-light between them when fucking sunflowers fill the screen.

I turned off the idiot box . What I had just watched made no sense but still i felt guilty and ashamed. Then the shame soon gave way to dark thoughts and I went to A's home.

I explained to the sisters that the forests in front of our houses were haunted and if we did not do something, we could be in mortal danger.

The three of us went to the forest. I took them to one of the more secluded spots, some distance away from the hospital morgue. The location looked suitably morbid. I told the girls to raise their heads to the full extent so that their necks were exposed. They had to look towards the top of the trees and no matter what couldn't peer down. They obeyed me as I knew in the back of my dirty mind that they would.

I stepped closer to A and kissed her throat. However as I was no expert on kissing, I slobbered her , with my saliva running down her throat into the top of her frock. I ran up to her sister and did the same with her. I could hear A screaming in the background" Couldn't you do that without all this shit running down every fucking way"?( Actually she did not use the words shit and fuck as she was still very young to know them. But that is the gist of the conversation).

I told them that they had made a great sacrifice and they should be proud of themselves.This was my first and only menagrie -de- trois (kind-off). I soon fell head over heels for A.

A DIVERSION

i want to tell you about this very rational fear of my mine.look, i don't know if you know this about me but i have a near photographic memory and i'm fiercely proud of it.i can recall every word, every gesture, every laugh, every look of scorn of yours if i just concentrate hard enough.recounting these i have ambivalent feelings.i love to hear your lilt, your wise words.but then this also brings with it a sharp sense of loss or rather a LOVE PANG. i begin craving for more proof that you were not a figment of my imagination but actually existed in all your perfection.this leads to a vicious cycle of memories,love,hope,loss,disbelief,memories.now your memories are all i have and i guard them with fierce determination.they are mine alone and i cannot afford to loose them which is my fear.
what if one day i wake up and there are no more phantoms of you in my memory bank.it has already started.your images have started becoming blurred as more time passes.the part of my mind's hard disc where your memories are stored has been accessed so may times in the recent past that soon bad sectors may be reported.
this brings us to my second but somewhat irrational fear.i have experienced for youwhat i think must be once in 7 births sort of love.i'm not a great believer in reincarnation.however, i have been feverently praying to God to give me just one more birth with the memories of this life's love with it.i never want to forget what i could do with a small token of your affection.maybe, in next life everything would be perfect. it's never bad to hope as hope is the best of things.

CHAPTER 7

the 4th semester of your batch which was actually my 10th semester in the college passed like a breeze.i had been detained in only one subject i.e. M4. i was made to extend my college degree by one year due to the whim of our then H.O.D. who had somehow arrived at the conclusion that my rebellious streak had to be destroyed and i had to bow down before the motherfucking system.one year wasted during which i studied just one goddamned suject.can you fucking belive it?

now,generally the maths classes were scheduled for the second half of the day.by that time,most of the students usually had decided to call it a day and scrammed to the canteen or their respective homes.

i spent 7 years in the institute and went to the canteen a total of less than 20 times.i didn't only hate the canteen, i fucking loathed it.

"CANTEEN IS FOR COUPLES/HOMOS/LESBIANS" has always been my motto.(i have proclaimed myself to be a lesbian somewhere in the early pages but i have not been involved in what you call a scissor movement,when you wrap your legs around another lesbian and do-the-dew.hence i disqualify myself as a practising lesbian).

so,when i went to attend the classes,passing time was my only motive.i used to nod my head dutifully,always in the horizontal direction,whenever our mentor used to ask if the class had any doubt.(i have never had any technical doubt in my entire technical "career".i don't like to dwell too much on technical facts.hello,these are goddamned facts,man.and they may suck ass but are still indisputable.)

now a doubt which i would have wanted to voice loud but instead bit on my tongue,thereby preventing myself from voicing my opinion was whether our maths teacher was a virgin.she must have been in her early thirties,had the looks of a life-long spinster.no apparent signs of being married,she looked like a male trapped in the body of a female,what with her broad shoulders and fashionably cut boyish hair.she had all the signs which made me want to scream "DYKE!!"

but if it makes any difference(there was a time when it would have,it doesn't now) she had a heart of gold(it was not that i had tried to bit down on her heart and could only taste the faint taste of a gold coin,leaving my dental imprints).she just took very good care of us,especially i. she was the only teacher who understood what a catasrophe it must be for me repeating a whole year just to attend those 30 odd classes.after some days of apathy and anti-pathy,i started taking active interest in her period(i really meant this to come off sounding like the double-entendre it ended up being).

i started noticing this transvestite and out of a feeling of pity,i thought i must love her.it takes one to know one,they say and i could see 'heart break" written over where i only managed to see "dyke" before.

slowly but surely i began to understand the concepts and thought that maybe i was going to repeat what i had previously done in class eight.then also i had fallen head over heels in love with my maths teacher,a miss DAVIS. she was fresh off the oven, as one of my friends used to say.in other words,she looked like the holy virgin and i scored 100 marks in my mid-term and final exam with the only intention of sharing her bed for some dirty night games(yeah,i was this big a bastard in standard 8 too).

to sleep with my teacher was my second best fantasy.my ultimate fantasy is to blow my load in my house-maid but after the Shiney episode,my dick becomes whiney whenever i think of her.the plan has been postponed for a few months.

i started preparing hard for my semester exams.then on the morning of my exam,

i said,"fuck it.i could easily clear this next time.let's sleep".

hence,that's what i ended up doing.